The MAGIC Transference

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There is a conversation Ive been waiting to expose. 

I recently was asked what I would like to be known for. 

For as long as I can remember I wanted to help others. 

And I thought that’s because I was a naturally empathic, saint like being. 

Now, that I’m in my thirties I realize: that bullshit was protecting me from my own inability to gain access and control of my power. 

Because I was put down by my mother for having any of my own desires, truth, or individual magic. 

I learned to shut down, to not need, to not want, to shut out the beauty and belief in myself. 

How many times had I been neglected, shut up, silenced when deep traumas occurred in my childhood. 

I never learned to heal. 

I never learned to accept myself and overcome it. I gradually learned to isolate and do dissociating spiritual practices that made me feel superior In some way because I could not intermingle with society. 

How could I, I had zero social skills. Humans equalled anxiety. 

And no matter what I did, I ALWAYS found the perfect storm of narcissistic abusive partners. 

This is my secret. The secrets Ive never told will eventually unfold to be my strongest powers. 

Because Ive learned to alchemize them, I’ve learned to be at peace in neutrality and going forward authentically with acceptance that this is also a gift of strength Ive pulled myself through and am willing to look at common denominators, take accountability that that’s NOT happening anymore and realize that I was constantly falling in the same hole in the sidewalk again and again. 

Now, Im more comfortable with myself, with God. With knowing that help came in the right time when I had learned the right things and gone through enough “purification”

I know that this is going somewhere and maybe you are interested. 

I don’t know exactly what yet but there is something meant to be shared, meant to be held. And Maybe you too want to go on this journey of relinquishing the pain of psychosis in the world of what I saw insanity. 

But how could it be, I saw so much happiness too. 

So much simple happiness , usually it came from seeing family dynamics and the bonds that held people together in truth, in trust, in real love. 

Now, I don’t take one inch of anything that does not resemble love from anyone. You can walk out the door and never see me again and I wouldn’t care. Because Self love comes first.